bacon pete's christmas

 bacon pete’s christmas

by

jules f. delorme

bacon pete snarls at the guy in the santa hat.

-yer a indian. -bacon pete growls –yer a dern indian. you think santa claus gives a crap about you.

the guy doesn’t pay bacon pete any attention. everybody knows about bacon pete. everybody knows that bacon pete hates everybody and everything.

-freakin whiteman comes in my house i’ll shoot him dead. shoot him and his damn reindeer too. have some good reindeer steaks. i’ll even shoot that one with the red nose.

bacon pete stops to pull up his pants. he shakes his scrawny fist at the cold winter sky.

-just you try comin to my house. –bacon pete yells. –just you try and i’ll show you somethin. i’ll show you somethin you fat white prick. i’ll put a hole in you and yer damn reindeer.

bacon pete takes a few steps slipping and sliding on the snow and ice. stops to pull up his pants again.

-put a hole in any whiteman that comes around here.

bacon pete sees badger coming out of his house.

-hey badger. –pete yells.

badger stops. thinks about going back in the house.

-heya badger i see ya. –pete yells –don’t try to pretend. i see ya.

badger turns. –kwehkwe pete. –badger says –how ya doin today pete?

-i don’t talk that indian talk. –pete says –that mohawk crap. i don’t talk that long time ago crap.

pete marches over to badger. stops. pulls up his pants. marches the rest of the way.

-see that idiot in the santa hat. –pete says –damn fool marchin around in whiteman clothes fer a whiteman’s day. damn fool don’t even know santa don’t give a crap about indians.

-salvation army guy told me santa ain’t white pete. –badger says –he told me santa’s from a place called lapland an that’s why he uses reindeer. told me santa’s somethin called sammi or somethin like that an he ain’t white.

-sally ann guy don’t know nothin. –pete says to badger –he don’t know nothin i seen pictures of santa an he’s a whiteman. yer stupid to be listenin to the sally ann guy badger. next thing you know he’s tellin ya santa’s a indian.

-them sammi they sound kinda like indians. well like innuk anyway. they live in tribes an they herd reindeer that’s what the guy says.

-he’s white. i seen the pictures an he’s a whiteman. white as a whiteman can be i ain’t heard a no sanni if he was indian the white people’d shoot him for comin into their houses. whitemen would shoot him if he was indian or eskimo i ain’t never heard a no tribe called sanni.

-yeah. –says badger knowing better than to argue with bacon pete –yeah yer probly right pete. i just thought it was interestin is all.

badger tries to walk away.

bacon pete follows him. pulling up his pants as he goes.

-yer stupid fer listenin to the sally ann guy badger. ya can’t listen to any god guy they all lie ya should know that badger. that’s all they do is lie.

-gave my kid some nice skates though. –badger says while he keeps walking –some nice skates and he’s bringin us a turkey too.

-don’t mean he knows nothin. can’t trust them whitemen god guys to know nothin cept that they want ya on yer knees.

bacon pete stops. pulls up his pants.

badger speeds up slipping and sliding on the snow and ice. –okay pete. –badgers shouts over his shoulder –i gotta go. see ya later. ó:nen

badger disappears around the corner.

bacon pete stands there for a while.

-screw ya and yer ohnon badger. –pete mutters –you an yer ole time indian crap. whiteman gives ya a turkey an ya believe anythin he says.

pete shivers in the cold. pulls the collar up on his jean jacket.

-shoot that fat ole whiteman an his reindeer come anywhere near my house.

thelma two toes comes around the corner. she’s pulling a sled with a blanket covering the stuff on it.

-heya thelma. –pete says –i was just gonna go to the restaurant. i ain’t got no money for nothin but coffee but least it’s warm in there.

-heya pete. kwehkwe. –thelma says back –it’s pretty cold for just a jean jacket.

-somebodee stole my winter coat. i can’t find it nowhere. sombodee musta stole it while i was sleepin.

-you’re in luck then pete. –thelma says –i was just goin to the longhouse with some clothes.

thelma lifts up the blanket and starts rooting around –pretty sure i got a winter coat in here somewhere.

she pulls out a sheepskin coat. shakes it out and looks at it.

-it’s a little worn out and it’s probably too big for you but it’ll keep you warm at least. –thelma says and holds the coat out for pete.

-what – pete says –i can just have it.

-yeah i was just bringin it to the longhouse like i said for people who need clothes. looks like you need a coat.

pete takes the coat. puts in on. it’s way too big for him but it’s warm.

-hey thelma did ya know santa ain’t a whiteman. did ya know that. yeah he’s a sanni an they heard reindeer an they live in tribes jus like indians. ya probly never heard that thelma.

-no pete i didn’t know that. i never heard that.

-yeah everbodee thinks he’s a whiteman but he ain’t. practically a eskimo is what he is.

-makes sense if he’s from the north pole i guess –thelma says.

-yeah. –pete says –yeah that’s right. no whitemen from the north pole. that’s right thelma.

she wraps everything back up in a blanket. looks pete up and down.

-well you’re practically swimmin in that thing pete but at least it’ll keep you warm.

-yeah. –pete says –yeah i feel warmer already.

-okay pete i gotta go. get the rest of this stuff over to the longhouse.

thelma heads off dragging the sled behind her.

-come by if you need anything else pete. the longhouse or the restaurant–thelma says.

pete stands there in his coat. feeling warmer.

-merry christmas pete. –thelma says as she goes off.

-yeah merry christmas. –pete says. -merry christmas thelma.

and then.

-aw crap.

pete pulls up his pants and wanders off, sliding on the snow and ice.

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